Life is .....

One of my emo moments again ..... but i seriously really wonder .... what is LIFE ? what is HAPPINESS ? what is SADNESS ? and blah blah blah ....... When a person is smiling and lauffing ... is he/she really happy ? is there something called a Happy-O-Meter ? Can someone give me 1 if there is ?

I am really disappointed again @ Home Coming .... Once again I did not received the small paper of recognition even though my result was str8 A+ again ... attendance is FULL too .... yet once again my name was not in the list ... when i ask a chef of mine ... he said nothing .... no answer for me .... asked one of the SA ... she say alot of P&C factors .... WTF .... i just want to know what the P&C were ... then i can improved myself. I know i am vain .... but .... they put it as "students who did it well in their last exams" .... I believe that i did well enuff to score all A+ yet ... ppl who dunno will think that i under performed cos only my classmates got that , yet i didn't .... I do care alot of how ppl look @ me .... @ least i dare to admit that I am VAIN !!! Then again , maybe i m kena marked ... sigh. I did all i can to be the best of myself oreadi ....

I think my drive in studee and work is highly affected by my moods , emo and feelings .... I dunno how long this energy/drive will still stays .... hope someone gave me a light ... guide me and stand by me to the ending point. I dun wan to go alone .... i am scare ,,,, lonely and .... tired.... Any1 out there ? To apply please post a comments , terms and conditions applies.

On the other side ... had some fun with my classmates recently though ... a few of us ... been drinking alot recently ... I guess this sort of bond us together .... but dunno good or not though cos not very healthy and not very cheap with all those mid-nite charges.And of cos .... we did all sort of "things" when we get high .... alot of 2pid things ... 2pid topic n stuffs .... But i really enjoyed myself ... not sure about them though .... seriously .... i don't feel that old when crazy with them but then I am really much older .... sigh .... 5-10yrs different .... think would be much better if i was 5 yrs younger ? ha ha wishful thinking ....

I always had pppl thinking that i am not that bad ... i m good @ this ... good @ that ... and stuff ... which that is not the actual me .... yet none believe me .... How can i make them understand the real me ? am i really that faked ? is it good or bad ? I really dunno ... thinking more of it make me even lost .... I really dunno who i m ..... Once again to all out there ... " I M NOT AS GOOD AS U ALL THINK I AM, I M BUT A GREAT PRETENDER !!!!! "

Secrets - I have tons n tons of it .... yet 99% of it cannot be told to anyone .... or rather .... 10% i can only tell to A , 10% only to B , another 15% to C and blah blah blah .... but it won't help in anything cos the 10% I tell to A, is not related to A but actually related to me n B , then things i told B is between me n A/C ( here get this str8 ... i dun mean telling A's secrets to B but rather things concerning me and A )

Hope I will get out of this stage soon ...... attached is my drinking buddies pic .... mainly my "wife" and my "drinking" sister .... ( P/s alot of 2pid pics n videos cannot be uploaded ..... so ... TOO BAD to you all who got no chance to see it :P)