This part was actually edited out from my last post , Thot decided to delete it but then realized that all my wishful things all along , cos I thot maybe there still be some chances with my ex and dun wan to "anger" my ex b4 a final decision had been made but it's just wishful thinking on my part , so since now all had been set , I should just state my own view , this is my own blog after all ... isn't it ?
< Firstly is the person who gave me hope after my last break off , gave me the "love" feel and then turn and run away , make me realized that maybe LOVE is not a game for me to play cos my defination is very different , though @ my age , ha ha , I still hope for the perfect LOVE , which i should pick myself up and tell myself , I had enuff...Must learn to protect myself then to let others hurt me with their sweet words.
Next is my Ex , gave me a hope to maybe we should try again , been telling me to voice out what i really wans but when I voice out and you can't deliever , then what for ? Told me , I am still the one who you wans to spend ur life with and stuff , YET your action is neber louder then your words. You keep thinking that you love me , but how much are you willing to show it ? how far can you go for the one you love ? You are the one whom wanted to patch back yet I m the one keep on giving in and the CHOICE is still in your hand. Well anyway in ur heart , I m always the one who had the upper hand, the high handed one , the die die I must win person , the unreasonable one .... ... I had enuff I guess ... making myself miserable for all these for nothing cos , maybe like you say you are not the one for me too. Our thinking of LOVE is so much different. Maybe it's all for the better. My life had picked up after you left then after that you had to come and make me fall into the valley again. Sigh. Maybe I dig my own hole and jumped into it again.
Had some problems with my Sis , Same thing she had always feel that I am the type that die die must win, unreasonable sort of person , ( Well maybe I am since so many ppl think that way , ha ha ) I really dunno , maybe that's my flaw. But in the whole conversation that we had b4 the quarrel , dun think i ever show that , where my side of point is that everytime she had a PMS she will just barked up my tree. I mean , fine , every1 got their emotional times , so what makes u think that I m in my best of mood then ? I guess that is the fault of being a "happy got lucky" pax. Fyi , I m having a lot of probs myself with lots of things in my mind too. But knowing her pattern , I took a step back , told her , maybe we had comms problem , maybe we should talk another day instead. But she had to add one last sentence that fyi , she is not the only one that had that views on me. To me , if you are so not happy with me then voice it out , dun have to go behind and tok abt me. And to me , at a point of argument , then you blurt out something , this means that that is really something that you minded alot, and if so "xin ku" to endure , then might as well not. And the best thing is , the next day , instead of trying to clear things up ourself or take a cool off period , she had to go n tell my daughter , and she had to come and ask me to hear my side of story. Which to me , WTF. Anyway told me gal the whole story and told her , maybe I need a cool of period from all , and frankly , to me all the while , my feelings was , I m just someone nice to hang out with , but being a fren to all of them ? I really wonder , maybe they did not give me that feeling @ all, or maybe I ask for too much. But it doesn't really matters now , time will drift all apart. Maybe I should be just like the rest of my classmates , neber engage , dun involve. We are just all classmates who took a course together. >
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